Berkeley’s Sh*t on a Stick, the Sequel

by Steed Dropout
Nov. 26, 2014


Photo by Ted Friedman.

Two years ago, Berkeley Reporter reported on the latest college food oddity to hit Telegraph Avenue–Sh*t on a Stick. Only we didn’t cop-out with asterisks back then. The piece developed a cult following online, where some believed every word on the stick.

Now we have another such poop-scoop, as the business on which the original story was based adopts its de-stink technology for hamburgers–sh*t on a bun.

Berkeley Reporter learned today that the business on which sh*t on a stick was based is preparing to add the Sh*tty Burger ™. The sh*t burger will go for $10.95.

“We have to cover our R&D,” explained a sh*tty company spokesperson, explaining the high sticker.

Will people go for the sh*t burger ™ as they did for an unadorned t*rd on a stick?

“We feel that the consumer of Sh*t-On-A-Stick ™ has made marketing history. This shows they’ll pay for anything,” said the spokesperson.

Telegraph Avenue presently pushes an $8 paper-cup of rice, burritos to bust the student budget, $5 paper cups of soup (small), $8 toasted cheese with the small soup–a bargain by Telegraph standards, and costly cookies. Everything is served in paper and plastic. A thoughtless salad with second-rate greens can set you back more than $10 if you must add meat.

Although Sh*t-on-a-Stick ™ gained popularity as a naked corn-dog, the Sh*tty-Burger ™ faces bigger marketing hurdles, according to a sh*tty marketing executive. “In the first place, our hamburger really looks like a pile of sh*t,” observed the executive.

“We kicked the Sh*tty Burger™ idea around in brainstorming sessions, and although our brains were fried from all nighters, we emerged with an ad campaign: ” IF YOU’RE GOING TO EAT SH*T, IT BETTER BE GOOD. Look at the genius of this! It assumes you don’t mind eating sh*t, but you know quality when you see it. Did you know that our taste breakthrough came from research on Beagles who eat their own sh*t?

“Our beagle research led to our second ad: GOOD ENOUGH FOR A BEAGLE.”

Berkeley, with a rising reputation in haute cuisine, has dozens of hamburger joints, six on Telegraph, who are close neighbors. Durant at Telegraph, with three burger stores crammed burger-to-burger, could claim to be Berkeley’s Burger Row.

These views do not represent those of publications in which my work appears.

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