Berkeley’s Sh*t on a Stick, the Sequel

by Steed Dropout
Nov. 26, 2014

BERKELEY’S BURGER ROW

Photo by Ted Friedman.

Two years ago, Berkeley Reporter reported on the latest college food oddity to hit Telegraph Avenue–Sh*t on a Stick. Only we didn’t cop-out with asterisks back then. The piece developed a cult following online, where some believed every word on the stick.

Now we have another such poop-scoop, as the business on which the original story was based adopts its de-stink technology for hamburgers–sh*t on a bun.

Berkeley Reporter learned today that the business on which sh*t on a stick was based is preparing to add the Sh*tty Burger ™. The sh*t burger will go for $10.95.

“We have to cover our R&D,” explained a sh*tty company spokesperson, explaining the high sticker.

Will people go for the sh*t burger ™ as they did for an unadorned t*rd on a stick?

“We feel that the consumer of Sh*t-On-A-Stick ™ has made marketing history. This shows they’ll pay for anything,” said the spokesperson.

Telegraph Avenue presently pushes an $8 paper-cup of rice, burritos to bust the student budget, $5 paper cups of soup (small), $8 toasted cheese with the small soup–a bargain by Telegraph standards, and costly cookies. Everything is served in paper and plastic. A thoughtless salad with second-rate greens can set you back more than $10 if you must add meat.

Although Sh*t-on-a-Stick ™ gained popularity as a naked corn-dog, the Sh*tty-Burger ™ faces bigger marketing hurdles, according to a sh*tty marketing executive. “In the first place, our hamburger really looks like a pile of sh*t,” observed the executive.

“We kicked the Sh*tty Burger™ idea around in brainstorming sessions, and although our brains were fried from all nighters, we emerged with an ad campaign: ” IF YOU’RE GOING TO EAT SH*T, IT BETTER BE GOOD. Look at the genius of this! It assumes you don’t mind eating sh*t, but you know quality when you see it. Did you know that our taste breakthrough came from research on Beagles who eat their own sh*t?

“Our beagle research led to our second ad: GOOD ENOUGH FOR A BEAGLE.”

Berkeley, with a rising reputation in haute cuisine, has dozens of hamburger joints, six on Telegraph, who are close neighbors. Durant at Telegraph, with three burger stores crammed burger-to-burger, could claim to be Berkeley’s Burger Row.


These views do not represent those of publications in which my work appears.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.