Kiss the Blood from My Meat!
Bloody Meat Burger on Telegraph Was to Die For;
Now Is Itself Dead Because Wimp-Ass Diners
Winced at the Oozing Blood
by Steed Dropout
Oct. 8, 2015
RARE: “HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR MEAT…RARE”!
A Roar From A Telegraph Ave. Character We Call ‘Rare’.
Berkeley Reporter had been sampling Telegraph Avenue burgers
for an article, when wimp-ass diners who winced at its oozing blood—
killed off the sweetest burger this side of Steak ’n Shake.*
The Melt burger was too good to be true, so it had to die.
Nothing good ever lasts, according to a song by Iris Dement.
The Blood-Burger bloomed at a Berkeley chain-restaurant specializing
in comfort food. But the Blood Burger made customers uncomfortable.
At Berkeley reporter we take seriously the loss of the best burger on the Avenue.
That it oozed blood added to its appeal. The blood, starting to
congeal, falls thickly onto wax paper in a wire basket.
When our last two Melts were bloodless, we questioned the
Melt manager, who told Berkeley Reporter that customers had
complained about their bloody buns and, impulsively, Reporter
called them “pussies.”
Where I’m from, Springfield Illinois, cows are eaten by
connoisseurs, we like our meat bloody. It’s the sign of
virulence, as complaining about a little flowing blood is the
sign of weakness, even cowardice.
According to Dr. Tim Lawlor, an East bay retired emergency
room Doc, bloody meat helps thicken the blood. It was
recommended by Docs in the 50s for patients recovering from
Our Berkeley Reporter burger reviewer compared the bloody
Melt to Bongo Burger and Pappy’s, and Kips—the major Teley
If you want charcoal broiled, that’s Pappy’s, Bongo’s, and Kips.
But Melt seems to have sprung from a press, a cross between a
Panini press, a waffle iron, and a steam-press.
The result was just short of phenomenal; meat that kills. That
some weak-kneed students couldn’t step up…well that is a
mark against this generation of milk-sop undergraduates, who
will eat fried grasshoppers and all manner of gross fare, (like
Pastrami over french fries, with gravy) but turn white at red meat.
Blood, mixed with grease from fat is not a pretty sight.
But sipping the blood from your plate connects you with your
inner Count Dracula.
Successor to the blood-burger–the medium-done Melt, is tasty, with
double grilled onions. and double pickles. These pickles
might win a prize at the county fair. You can order the lettuce/tomatoe
with a zesty thousand Island dressing on the side. The high quality
lettuce and tomato would overwhelm the burger, but you can order
these fixins on the side.
You can’t always get what you want, but if you try real hard,
what you need will be stripped from you.
Death be not to proud—John Donne
*Steak ’n Shake, a midwestern burger palace specializing in Chile,
shoe-string fries and “the steak burger,” a wafer thin slice of top
More Photos: https://www.flickr.com/photos/berkboy/