Urban Dictionary Meets Steed Dropout, Pillover, Stereo Ego, and the New American Dream

by Steed Dropout
Aug. 29, 2012

Berkeley, Ca.

Berkeley, ca. 'Why not? Pimping. Hella.'

BLOGSTIPATED

When you blog, and your turd won’t come out, according to my submitted definition at Urban Dictionary.

Urban Dictionary, a compendium of filth and hilarity aimed at teenagers (over thirteen, UD admonishes), who are the same age as my grandkids. The kids helped me submit to UD last, year pinching their noses and making the sound — “youuuu”. Why are you doing urban dictionary?

It makes me feel twelve.

In Roseburg, Oregon last year, I was carrying my mountain bike up some motel stairs as a teenage boy was on his way up to join his parents. “What do you think of my bike?” I asked.

“Sick,” he shot back. I had recently signed up for the daily feed from Urban Dictionary. When I signed up, they responded — “sick.”

“Urban Dictionary?” I asked. The boy nodded. “Don’t encourage him, the mother,” pleaded, her eyes rolling.

I could not have known how much she had a right to be concerned. In fact the UD user’s agreement warns that exposure to the site can be harmful.

I read the warning too late.

The harm is to be driven deeper and deeper into procrastination, “whilst,” to use some contributors’ conceit…whilst urbandicknating, rimes with masturbating

URBAN DICTIONARY PROBLEMS BEGIN WHEN YOU CLICK THE EDIT KEY

When you click “edit” in the UD toolbar, a world of hurt gushes down on you — raw submissions, flooding over you like poop, a central concept at UD, along with dick, and coo, and muff, and snurffle.

You are asked to click one of three boxes, “publish, don’t publish, I don’t know.” I thought that if I were going to be a regular contributor, I should edit, as well. Perhaps I would improve my abilities to get my submissions accepted by editors.

But all I did was build a false confidence. If anything, my acceptance rate went down, as I tried to model a loftier (hifalutin) attitude for kids. UD is not lofty.

Only today, while procrastinating desperately, I submitted this:

Street of Dreams:

Streets which inspire art and literature.

Sunset Boulevard, L.A. (film); So-Ho (Britain, N.Y.C.), Madison Ave., NYC (“Mad Men”), Champs-Elysées, Paris (Casablanca), Telegraph Ave., Berkeley (“Berkeley in the Sixties”,film), Rush Street, Chicago (film), Bourbon Street, New Orleans (film).
by Steed Dropout on Aug 28, 2012.

Yo, homey, my submission was not published by editors like me. one editor fell asleep while reading my submission.

I tried to be philosophical about the rejection of:

Dumpster Entrepeneur:
A homeless man who buys a $19.95 plastic dumpster and parks it near his homeless encampment on a busy walkway, then kicks back and waits for the swag. He’s like a real-estate developer, except that he bought in for $19.95. His dumpster is drawing swag, man. He’s a real dumpster entrepreneur.

But I have almost ten acceptances, such as:

dumpster-envy:
When you suspect your dumpster is more popular than you.

Example: my friend asked me if he could dive my dumpster. Because I live in a student building where affluent students discard lots of swag, I’ve gotten quite a few requests. I have a lot of dumpster-diving friends, and a bad case of dumpster-envy.
by Steed Dropout Aug 27

When ideotlog, an ideologue with bad ideas, went down to defeat, I said, these editors [like me] are Urban Dicks; I’ll show them. But I found this already posted:

Urban Dicks:
(n.) A staff member at urbandictionary.com who cancels your submission before it even reaches the editors. This person is often a huge douchebag who lacks any consistency in rejections or acceptances. He will let completely lame trash pass as a definition, yet cancel a submission that breaks none of the rules and is actually useful.
Guy 1: Hey did the definition get passed, man?
Guy2: No, the urban dick cancelled it. What a submission nazi.

As I edited 1,000 submissions, picking close to twenty percent, I began to get encouraging messages, (“pimping,” and “why not, hell yes!”), all UD faves, as I completed hundreds publishing transactions. Someone, perhaps UD’s founder, Aaron Peckham, was messaging guidelines to editors one day, discouraging racism, and flaming. “I’m stepping in to set some guidelines,” the message said.

LIFE HISTORY OF NEOLOGISMS ON URBAN DICK

Urban Dick published my “Lost and Found Department,” or, LAFD, where pickpockets stash their swag.

Example: “Has he shown you the Lost and Found Department with all his swag?”

“Naw, he don’t trust me.”

But thumbed down, (to shit on) “SOFN: Save Our Friendship Now,” a useful program for saving rocky relationships, only to publish, pillover.

Pillover is a sleeping pill and alcohol hangover.

Example: “Sorry I missed our morning run, man, but in order to run that early, I had to take some drinks and a sleeping pill so I could be on time. Won’t do that again, but don’t expect me for a 6.a run, either. Those pillovers aren’t worth it!

Stereo-ego, bragging about the tech-specks of your stereo.
Example: “my stereo can drive Empire State Building sized speakers. They said it had 500 watts.”

“Yeah man, but that’s some stereo-ego; do you work for Best Buy or something?”

Then this: New American Dream

Three hots (meals) and a cot (bed).

Example: I wanted a mansion overlooking a bay, but now that I’m broke, homeless, and fucked-up, I’d settle for three hots and a cot, my New American Dream.

All definitions, although attributed to Steed Dropout, are the property of Urban Dick.

Property: the whole world, owned by Google, Urban Dick, and WIKI.

Example: Urban Dick owns everything, including my dick. Does that make any sense?


You’ve slogged your way through another Dropout drool, but you missed this:
dentamatrix:

When a dental dominatrix. does a number on you, using scary procedures as whip and chains. “Dude, my sexy dentamatrix dentist worked me over pretty good yesterday. I was screaming pull it out, pull it out now! I’m still freaked.”

Doesn’t that violate the rules of dominance, man? Did you launch?

She said, contemptuously, “Clean yourself off.”

I was totally ashamed. My balls have shrunk, man.

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